I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
