I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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