I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
