Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
