I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
