i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize