the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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