Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
