note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
time to smoke my breakfast
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
