Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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