well you can't waste a boner
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
there is glitter all over my balls
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