i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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