Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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