It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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