I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
