It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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