just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
