i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
