I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
