Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
