see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
