Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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