hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
