WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
