That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize