A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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