When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
