Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize