She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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