Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
