break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
