i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
