Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
