when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
