My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
