Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
