This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
