she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
