Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
do herpes really smell.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
