If i come over, it means nothing
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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