I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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