My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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