I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
