So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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