then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
