that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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