all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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