Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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