so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
