Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Randomize
