is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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