When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
