Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
