I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
