brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
