I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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