shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
