i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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