how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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