I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
