I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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