Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
