Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
