He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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