Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize