the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize