Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
