After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
