What a fucking waste of an outfit
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
