dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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